Trigger and Content Warning: The following contains details of sexual abuse committed by the pedophile and child molester Maimuna Salma as well as related trauma. If you are not in a place to read this right now, please take care of yourself and choose to step away if needed.

Note: The brunt of the information contained in these letters is considered official and public record, as it was formally reported to the local county police department and law enforcement many years ago as sworn testimony. If the below details are not in the public record it is because I remembered them after seeking psychiatric help as an adult. For informational purposes only.

Memories. Everyday I am bombarded by horrific memories of sexual abuse. I see and remember myself, an innocent child, being groomed and used by your mother Maimuna Salma for her sexual gratification, and I trusted her. Psychologically, young children are asleep to the horrific fact that they are prey to predators, predators like your mother who can successfully lure little girls into their traps and call it care and special treatment. At that time, what or how could a little girl know and understand? But as a teenager and adult, I began to understand. Your mother is a monster, and she and her heinous crimes haunt me like nightmares.

“In order to banish the predator, we must unlock or pry ourselves and other matters open to see what is inside. We must use our abilities to stand what we see. We must speak our truth in a clear voice. And we must be able to use our wits to do what needs be about what we see,” Clarissa Pincola Estes notes in her book Women Who Run With The Wolves – Myths And Stories by the Wild Woman Archetype (pg 217).

In order to banish the predator, your child molester mother Maimuna Salma, from my psyche and being, I have to pry these memories open and speak these truths in a clear voice. For so long, I suppressed and ignored my wits about what I could do and I felt so powerless; I was giving my power away to the predator, and with little faith in the legal system because so much time had passed, I just held it all in. Stuck but trying to move on with my life, I was getting nowhere by holding these memories within myself instead of openly expressing them as loud as I could. Disassociation is a defense mechanism, the nervous system is in a freeze state to protect the body and brain, but it cannot stay there forever. The body always remembers, each arm, each finger, each leg, each piece of skin remembers, the horrors etched into my nervous system and spirit.

I will not (nor can I) recount each memory of sexual abuse at the hands of your mother Maimuna Salma because that would take pages and pages, so much of my time and energy, which has already been so exhausted and stolen. But I will tell you about certain memories that haunt me, and you must forever hold them as integral parts of your child molester mother, as integral parts of yourself and bloodline.

Imagine this. You are an adult woman who works at a big healthcare/tech company. You live with your uncle’s family, and your fiance has come to visit — he’s spending the night at the house. It’s nighttime and your fiancé is playing video games with your other little cousin. While your fiancé is in the same house, you instruct and take a little girl that you have groomed and manipulated down to the basement. You take off your pants and underwear, instruct the little girl to lay down on the floor. You get on top of the little girl, and you hump the little girl, masturbating on her little body till you finish. There is a wet mess on the little girl’s stomach.

What the actual f*ck. What kind of person sexually abuses little girls while her future husband is in the next room? What kind of psychopathic monster does this and has the gall for it? Your pedophile, child molester of a mother Maimuna Salma did this to me. I blocked this memory out for a long time. When I understood the heinous gravity of this crime later on, a crippling realization, and had the words to describe it, I wanted to cut my stomach out of my body and throw it away. I obviously could not do that, so I resorted to keeping a knife in my room as a high school student and would cut my arms. But I could not escape myself.

May your mother burn in Hell. I do feel sorry for your father, poor man married a child molester, but if he has chosen to remain with her, shame on him for normalizing pedophilia.

Imagine this. You are an adult woman, and you and your mother have come to live in your uncle’s house. You both take the room of your little girl cousins for yourselves. You, an adult woman and guest in this house, begin to instruct a little second grader to massage your body, and then soon instruct the little girl to massage your breasts, normalizing the crime, and you continue to groom the little girl, eventually instructing the child to put her mouth on your breasts. You, an adult woman, manipulate the little girl to keep it all a secret, a special secret, and make sure she does not tell her parents (and how could a child even have the words to verbalize such crimes?) by building trust with the little girl. What kind of psychopathic monster does this? What kind of monster sexually abuses little girls with her own mother nearby and in the house of the little girl’s parents? Your pedophile, child molester of a mother Maimuna Salma did this to me.

Imagine this. You are a little girl who is being sexually abused by someone you trust, a family member. You are in the fourth grade, and you feel neglected by your parents, hurt. You know your father is not a good person, and your mother cannot do much against him. One evening, and you remember this memory so clearly because you loved math and learning, you are doing algebra homework for the first time. Learning about basic math equations is fascinating, but you get stuck on harder problems and feel so upset and disappointed. You feel exasperated, you feel unloved, and you begin to cry. Lo and behold, look who is there to comfort you. A child molester comforts you, hugs you, and helps you with the math homework. You feel thankful for the homework help and you end up perceiving a child molester as someone who deeply cares about you. You are a child, and of course at the time you have no idea you are being sexually groomed and exploited by a master manipulator and child molester.

Your pedophile mother Maimuna Salma sexually abused me with other people sleeping in the same room, and was able to control me to keep it a secret and as something special between us. She was doing the exact same thing to at least one other girl at the same time. If parents had left, and I remember certain instances so clearly, your mother would always ask me, a little girl, “do you want to do it?” and I would comply. So many nights in the dark, she would poke her finger at me, having trained me to understand that this meant “do you want to do it?” and I would comply. Your mother Maimuna Salma manipulated me to believe that this was care and love, so of course the little girl would reciprocate and feel special. To this day if someone pokes my shoulder, I lose my mind.

Over the course of many years, some of the horrific acts of child sexual abuse your mother Maimuna repeatedly committed include touching my chest and body and having me do the same. When we were sleeping next to each other on the floor in the living room, because there were many people in the house, she would have me turn the opposite direction, bend my leg, and she would use my foot to masturbate. Your child molester mother Maimuna Salma would also have me finger her genitalia. Your mother Maimuna Salma also had me kiss her, at least once, I have a memory seared into my brain. Your pedophile mother Maimuna Salma also manipulated me to engage in oral sex at least once. When your mother Maimuna Salma got a new apartment in a neighboring town, she even took me and a bunch of cousins over there, and would sexually abuse me there. What kind of disgusting, psychopathic monster does this? What kind of monster sexually abuses little girls and exploits their bodies and psyches in this way? Your pedophile, child molester of a mother Maimuna Salma did all of this to me, may she rot in Hell. If your mother did this to you or your sisters, would you consider it “special and caring treatment?” Or would you consider your mother a disgusting psychopath? If an adult woman did such crimes against you or your sisters, how would you respond?

Your mother Maimuna Salma is a psychopathic pedophile, and she thought so highly of herself and abilities that she thought and did get away with sexually abusing more than one little girl in the same house through grooming, manipulation, and exploitation. If I had not asked the other little girl, as adults, about her experience, then neither of us would have ever known the other was being sexually abused by your mother Maimuna Salma. I hope you never forget that your mother is an absolute monster and child predator.

I kept a knife in my room as a teenager and I would cut myself for release, not often, but I did do it. In a state of dysregulation, I knew that the only way out was to focus on studies, but it took a lot out of me. As a high school student, I was able to fully disassociate from the memories and focus on school. As I learned more, I was able to begin to confront some nightmares by the age of 18, and I was so happy to be out of the house and far away for college. By the time I did get to college, I was experiencing increasing bouts of depression, panic attacks, anxiety, and disassociation. But I kept it all in because of shame and a loss of words. I could not even fully verbalize what was happening to my body, brain, and spirit. My academics greatly suffered.

In college, I knew I had to fight for justice, and I tried to the best of my ability. I also naively thought that my family and father’s family would support me, but reality was the exact opposite, and it traumatized me even more. When word got out — my father and his family stabbed me in the face for not prioritizing my legal case and privacy — your psychopathic child molester mother Maimuna Salma called my mother and told her I was lying, that I was crazy. Your pedophile mother, after all, is a master manipulator. All in all, I was blamed and shamed, I was called heartless, and I received no support. It ruined me. My health began to deteriorate further, but I kept it all in trying to survive and trying to get through school, masking the nightmares living inside of me. I remember one time when I was 20, I thought I was suffering from asthma because of difficulties breathing and terrible shortness of breath. It was so bad that I rushed to urgent care, where I was hoping to get an inhaler and solve the problem. After the checkup, the doctor asked me if I was having any personal issues. I freaked out and said no, I just want to get through college. But the body does not lie. He could sense I did not want to talk, so he told me to take care of myself, prescribed me anxiety medication, and sent me on my way. I remember that doctor clearly because he seemed to care when my own family did not.

Dealing with surviving child sexual abuse and the complex trauma that your child molester mother Maimuna Salma caused and its aftermath profoundly impacted my college years and has since turned my life upside down. It has been a nightmare suffering silently and having no money to fight this and get justice. At that time I had put faith into the justice system, but since then, I have come to understand that in this country there is no justice system. Rather, it’s a legal system that benefits those with capital. There are so many people out there like your child molester mother Maimuna Salma — monsters who chose to manipulate and sexually abuse little girls over and over again, who for their own sexual gratification proactively made the decision to harm the bodies, minds, and spirits of little children — who get to walk free with no criminal record. I hope these facts haunt you and your siblings like they haunt me.

When I was in my early 20s, I let my boyfriend at the time borrow one of my carry-on suitcases to take on a trip. I did not think much of it, and I had forgotten I had left something very important, something I never wanted to look at again let alone tell or show my boyfriend, in the pockets of that suitcase. When I had gone to give my official sworn testimony for the legal case against your child molester mother Maimuna Salma, I had written notes on a piece of paper of everything I could remember. My boyfriend found that piece of paper. I remember clearly when he told me about it with the paper in hand. Shock, shame, and anguish overtook and consumed me. I crawled into bed, and put the covers over me, feeling like I had been hit with a baseball bat. How do I talk about this with my boyfriend when I had never been able to verbalize this with other close friends? I just wanted it all to go away but here it was beginning to come to light. I’m grateful he supported me, but I could not even support myself and be vulnerable; it obviously caused issues in our relationship.

At the time, I wanted to, needed to, keep everything inside and continue to disassociate because I was so sick. I preferred to be overworked and focus on other things, and I had no idea how to talk about such a thing with my boyfriend. It would not be for another several years that I would get psychiatric help and have conversations with close friends, being forced to do so because I was grappling with serious health issues, experiencing ongoing physical ailments, and could no longer numb myself with alcohol and under substances. I not only started having physical symptoms but also having forced flashbacks multiple times a day; I could not even use the bathroom in peace without remembering all of this horror. How do you continue to bury trauma, horrors and memories inside of you when they begin to take over your life? I was imploding inside.I had been so conditioned to keep quiet, people-please, and to worry about what others think that it was killing me and I was becoming a shell of a person, broken and stuck, unable to think and move for my own self.

For so long, I was overcome with nauseous shame and disgust, these emotions living inside of me like a toxic storm I could not escape, some days like summer thunderstorms and some days like winter chills, but always brewing. But why should I feel such shame and disgust? You see, it was never mine to carry. I now understand, and you must understand too, that all the shame and disgust I carried actually belongs to your mother, the pedophile Maimuna Salma.

As a little girl, probably like you, I projected goodness and care on the child molester and sexual abuser. As I mentioned earlier, in my innocence I had no idea that I was the prey of a sexual predator. You must never forget that your mother Maimuna Salma chose to hurt me and at least one other little girl. Your mother proactively made the decision to sexually abuse little girls, over and over and over again. We were horrifically hurt and harmed because your mother chose to sexually abuse us. The ultimate betrayal is grooming little girls to trust you, an adult woman, but actually sexually abusing them and manipulating those children to believe and trust that your predatory nature and sexual abuse is a form of care. Your mother willfully dehumanizes children. It is utterly vile and profoundly sickening.

When child sexual abuse occurs, our brains are not yet developed enough to fully comprehend or process the overwhelming weight of such an experience. It is like I am stuck in multiple ages, both a young child and an adult, like I am 30 and 8 and 12 and 16 and 22 all at the same time. The development of the mind feels shattered, and it takes exhaustive effort and energy to keep re-calibrating and caring for all the different versions of myself, all while still trying to make sense of everything. I have not been able to move forward, and it feels as though time is closing in on me, like the world is moving on, but I am trapped in the past, yet still forced to navigate and survive in the present.

I remember clearly that your pedophile mother Maimuna Salma once said she had a dream in which a very significant Prophet, a Prophet that billions of people hold in the highest regard, had appeared. Certainly this was a good person — is what I had thought in my head at the time as a child — that is something anyone would love to experience, it must be someone truly good and smart to have that kind of dream. How naive I was, but how would a child know better? Abusers use religion to shield themselves from accountability and paint themselves as moral and upright people as well as to gain support and community. I am sure your child molester of a mother Maimuna Salma has and will continue to use religion to shield herself and refuse to take actual accountability, and to paint herself as a God-loving victim. It is all masterful deception.

Like many survivors of childhood sexual abuse, I have had an oversized pressure on myself to be moral and that has definitely interfered with my ability to protect myself. For instance, family calling me a bad person and heartless, cousins I trusted telling me not to take a legal route with this because I would be causing more harm (what about the harm that was done to me??), and I initially believed they were acting in my best interest when really they were acting in their own selfish interests. I let their words poison me and question myself and my right to seek justice. To Hell with them and to Hell with your mother. “If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor.” I will never choose the side of the oppressor, not even over my dead body. I hope you have the integrity to do the same and be vocal about it.

I have never felt safe holding all of this in, dealing with it, ignoring it, trying to understand it. Never forget that this is how your child molester mother Maimuna Salma has made her sexual abuse victims feel. Feel free to share these letters with the pedophile, so she can see what I have written and understand that she and other child sexual predators will burn in Hell for their crimes against children. If Hell does not exist, then I curse your mother to live a long life of Hell on Earth, burning in the fires of truth, shame, and agony. I hope my words haunt you all forever. Your mother is evil, and she taught me what pure evil looks and behaves like — evil can be the mother of daughters, be your neighbor, smile and work a corporate job too.

How do you feel about the fact that your mother is lesbian/gay/bisexual? I wonder if she told your father, you, the community or friends. How will you tell this story? Also — a silver lining for you — at least if you ever come out as lesbian, gay, bisexual, or queer, your parents cannot say a word against you.

If you are a person of integrity, if you are a devout Muslim/Christian/Hindu or person of faith, the. you would owe up to your deeds and take accountability for your behavior. Do you think your mother is a decent person with upright morals and integrity?

You most likely look like the child molester that haunts my nightmares and psyche. I feel sorry that you must bear the image of a child molester and pedophile. I hope you do not grow up to be a pedophile and sexual abuser like your mother Maimuna Salma, and I hope you do not grow up to be like your father Ahmad Waris Rizvi and others who support pedophiles and sexual abusers. May they all suffer the consequences of their actions and choices.

I envision a world where all child molesters, like your mother Maimuna Salma, and those who support them are held accountable for their heinous crimes, and I hope you carry the same vision. I hope you wake up and become a conscious citizen of the world unlike the pedophile. I will no longer sacrifice myself, suffering in silence, and continue these false delusions your pedophile mother, father, and supporters want to maintain; at minimum, this is why I must publicize these letters. It is my responsibility to speak out, to heal the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual sickness that has so long consumed me because of holding in all of this. In fact, because it has taken me so long to get here, I feel an even stronger obligation to share the truth and ensure that silence no longer allows any kind of harm — to myself and others, especially other little girls — to continue.

I will heal, but I will never forgive and I will never forget, and neither should you. Your child molester mother Maimuna Salma is unforgivable and I hope she suffers the consequences of her actions for the rest of her life. I hope that you as conscious people hold your pedophile mother accountable. How would you feel and respond if an adult woman groomed and sexually abused you or your sisters countless times? Would you forgive her?

Till next time.